At some point in everyone's life, there is going to come a cross roads, where you must make a choice of how to proceed. Which path to take? What should I do? What is the best decision?
You will face this in many different aspects of your life. This is the story of my cross roads.
Over the past few years, my focus in life has shifted. I have always wanted to become a mother, be the best mommy, and have a happy home. This dream was coming true. With that dream, comes reality. Its difficult to raise children, to be someone's everything all the time. But there is miraculous joy that comes with it.
When Waverly was born, my attention was centered. I was grounded. I love being her mommy, teaching her new things, exploring the world through her eyes. My husband and I doted on her, as every new parent should to a beautiful little girl who lights up their lives.
When Waverly turned one, I began to think of another child. How can you not want more, when this one is so great? It will be wonderful! And it was. Harlan was born in December, when Waverly was just 22 months old. Our two little miracles.
With that, an unanticipated bout of postpartum depression came. It was very difficult. Both children needed my time and attention, my undivided devotion to whatever their current whim was. Harlan in particular needed understanding, as we battled his allergy to breast milk, then formula, then soy. I faced each day and night with trepidation of how I would get through it.
It was during this time that the separation between Dean and I became real to me. We had somehow lost our magic, the connection that had held us together over the past ten years. I also felt very secluded and cut-off from the outside world. Everything was a struggle, and one I faced alone. There was no family support, little understanding or compassion. My perception of my world was my reality.
Once returning to work, things did not improve at home. In fact, it was just as stressful as before and there was less quality time to spend with the beautiful little people in my life. After several months, I found my breaking point.
It was then that I made a life decision. Convinced that there was no love for me in this marriage, I reacted in the only way I knew how. Soon enough, all the cards were on the table and we were officially separated, a day I never had imagined.
The weeks that followed are of extreme difficulty. Leaving the only home I've ever thought of as my own, as my family's, was unbelievably hard. I have lost my family, my relationships with those that I care about.
Though this has been a challenge, the children have fared extremely well. Waverly reacted to the life changes as well as any 2 year old could. She has shown her resiliency, and she has been very happy as of late. Harlan is also doing well. He loves getting to spend time with everyone, as usual, and has been growing so fast!
Dean and I have managed to remain friendly, and expect to continue doing so. We have found the underlying line of friendship that has always been there, just misplaced the past few years. We plan to divorce and co-parent the babies, doing everything in their best interest. We hope to find happiness apart, believing that a broken home is certainly better than an unhappy one.
In time, everything will sort itself out. Life will become normal once more. In the meantime, we just go day-by-day, thankful for the chance to make things better and for the babies that have so enriched our lives.
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